Why Are The CIA Hiding Osama Bin Laden’s Porn Collection?

When the Navy SEALs allegedly stormed Osama bin Laden’s compound they reported that Osama had a huge collection of pornography, which was then later confirmed by Director of National Intelligence James Clapper.

The details of what is contained in the pornography collection has never been made public, and was inexplicably omitted recently following the declassification of bin Laden’s reading list, as revealed earlier in May 2015.

Blogger David Couvucci decided to submit a Freedom Of Information Act (FOIA) request to the CIA to find out exactly what is contained in the porn collection of the world’s most notorious terrorist.

Brobible.com reports:

Established in 1966, the Freedom of Information Act essentially allows any citizen to petition federal agencies to release documents they don’t believe the government has the right to classify.

It’s a pretty powerful tool for journalists and Bros alike. I personally believe us dudes have a right to know what the world’s most wanted man masturbated to. I think something like that should enter the public record. Like… what if it turned out he exclusively watched white, male, American porn stars? Wouldn’t that be anathema to his beliefs? Wouldn’t that be an interesting thing to learn about the man?

Yes.

So, I sent the request. Here’s the text of it.

We at the men’s general interest publication BroBible dot com (one of the nation’s largest websites for men), would like to know what pornographic materials Osama Bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death.

We are adults. We can handle it. We would like to know what kind of porn the world’s most wanted man jerked it to. Does being under the constant threat of capture require extra stimulation? I imagine it would be hard for him to focus on his dick, so I figure he had to watch some really nasty shit.

Don’t you think so?

Well, I sent that in and completely forgot about it. This afternoon, a letter arrived at my desk.

Look at that shit! That, my friends, is the CIA sending a letter addressed to BroBible.

I’ll be damned. I just successfully wasted the time of the world’s most powerful spy agency.

UNFORTCH, the contents contained within were disappointing. I figured it would be, the letter a single sheet thin, like a college rejection note.

With regard to the pornographic material Osama Bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death, responsive records, should they exist, would be contained in the operational files. The CIA Information Act, 50 U.S.C 431, as amended, exempts CIA operational files from search, review, publication, and disclosure requirements of the FOIA. To the extent that this material exists, the CIA would be prohibited by 18 USC Section 1461 from mailing obscene matter.

Mother fuckers.

I will give them credit. They did cite a legitimate statute that allows them to avoid FOIA requests regarding operations.

The agency also noted that FOIA does not require them to answer questions, such as my inquiry about whether the porn was rull nasty.

Oh, well, Bros. I’m sorry.

Here’s the full letter.